When couples come to me for pre-commitment therapy, we cover a variety of topics - financial management, sexual desires and concerns, family and friends involvement, household chore delegation, career aspirations, parenting philosophies and even what they like to do in their downtime. We then go as far as reviewing personality traits and discuss how the families they grew up in were similar and different. All of these are important level setting conversations to have ahead of time. And they all have one thing in common, they make sure expectations are voiced and discussed.
On top of this work, there are also five critical areas I always normalize for couples to prepare them for what lies ahead. They are:
1. Things will change
To be progressive, there need to be change. As time goes on people tend to change due to some circumstances and when this happen you only need to adapt.
2. You will have chronic conflicts.
Chronic conflicts are those arguments that persist over time. When you have conflict, focus on the issues at hand and move forward rather than attacking the person and holding on to resentment and regret. Also make communication your priority either by speaking or hearing.
3. Patterns will Develop
During change, there will be a pattern you need to follow or you need to change. When you notice the appropriate pattern, you will have to develop it.
4. Love is an action Word
Love needs to be backed up by supporting and encouraging one another. It requires extending beyond your needs to be consideration of who they are and what they need. To act in love require sacrifice.
5. A lifelong relationship is an asset.
To set an asset there need to be respect, communication, appreciation, freedom and space, trust, intimacy.
No comments:
Post a Comment